SERIAL CHEATERS:

Can they change? Not likely.

Let’s talk frankly. If you are married to a serial cheater — a partner who has had a series of affairs — the chances of your relationship surviving is very poor unless the cheating mate is willing to dig deep and understand the causes of his/her behavior and a willingness to change.

A serial cheater is not seeking love or a relationship, but attention … and power. And both can be very addictive, which is why a great majority of serial cheaters are narcissists.

A narcissist is someone who has an enormous need for admiration, coupled with a sense of grandiosity. These individuals feel it’s their right to cheat. That their happiness or gratification or need for admiration trumps the needs of others. That means their happiness is more important than the hurt and pain that they inflict.

Many serial cheating narcissists develop a long-term relationship with a partner that they wowed early on. Charming and seemingly devoted, this narcissist reels in the unsuspecting partner, many of whom might have their own issues of insecurity and a lack of self-confidence. Then once connected, the narcissist feels it’s his/her right to stray.

When the affair is discovered, the cheater may put on quite a display of regret. After all, the cheater also needs the admiration of the partner he/she is cheating on. The cheater may beg forgiveness and be charming and woo the partner for forgiveness. But don’t be fooled! As soon as the reconciliation is complete, the narcissist will again cheat.

What to do: If you are in a relationship with a serial cheater, you must seriously ask yourself why you are willing to subject yourself to this type of emotional abuse? And make no mistake: serial cheaters are emotionally abusive. In fact, they often specifically target a partner who he/she can sense is emotionally vulnerable.

I rarely tell someone to leave a relationship, but if your partner has had more than two affairs during your relationship, get out! Period. It will not change. Ever.

So many have contacted me about cheating spouses/partners. I am very hardline about serial/habitual cheaters. Like drug addicts or physical abusers, these cheaters have no control over their behavior and will not stop unless they get real counseling and long-term professional support.

Cheaters don’t cheat to get sex. They cheat to feel admired, sought after and powerful. It’s like a drug. So, if you don’t want to continue living with a drug addict, run!